Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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