I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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