Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
