Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Found your dick twin last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
