We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
