I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Alive.
So much puke
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
