It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
