I think my vagina is haunted
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
