just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
