she looked like the before picture.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize