Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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