Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
