I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
