I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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