her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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