he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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