So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize