Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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