the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
