I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
