Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
