There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
