I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
