That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
