But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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