throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
