I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
