She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just had sex on a roof
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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