Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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