I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
