please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
