There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize