She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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