By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
