I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
