Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
