They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
