you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
