I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize