my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
