meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
