Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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