he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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