My Higher Power is John Stamos
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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