btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
