Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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