if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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