Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
