I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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