I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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