Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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