Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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