And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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