the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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