I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize