You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
