My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
