I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
