i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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