I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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