dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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