I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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