He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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