come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
