It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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