You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
